Exhausted

This is an understatement.  I honestly do not remember the last time I felt this way.  My bones ache.  My eyes just want to close.  I hurt for sleep.  I don't even have the energy to smile.  I can hear the kind well intentioned words:  "God will not give you more than you can handle." or "This too shall pass." or "Tomorrow is another day."  I appreciate it but this does not give me the sleep my body is screaming for or the rest my bones seek. 

This week has been one of the hardest we have had in the past year.  We should have taken him to the hospital (CAPS) several times this past week but I keep hoping and praying it will get better.  Things are so out of control.  After years of therapy I feel we have gotten nowhere!  I have to start looking for a solution to the future.  I am trying to find a residential treatment center.  And do not judge me.  If anyone reading this post wants to walk a day in my shoes, come on.  I won't deny you the honor.

The aggressiveness toward the other children is at an all time high.  The verbal assaults toward me are totally out of control.  Personal property is getting destroyed or damaged.  The younger children are being encouraged to disobey and holler back with extreme disrespect.  I feel like my family is under attack.  I feel trapped.

The verbal assaults are getting graphic and violent and it scandalizes the other children.  I was called a demon from hell and he screamed that he can't wait for me to die and go to hell.  This was over the fact that we had to run down the road to pick up the other children from their bus stop.  Or he says he is going to murder me or hopes someone else does.  He threatens to kill siblings with a knife.  He is sleeping less even with large amounts of sleep medications.  His anxiety and stress levels are incredible.  I can't imagine the fear he deals with 24/7. 

Please someone help me.  Please....there has to be answers and help somewhere out there.  Please.