Joseph Michael

I started this blog today as I'm dealing with a lot of heartache over Joseph. It helps me to write. But it gets so hard to constantly update family regarding life with Joseph. So this blog stands separated from the family blog. To those that don't know Joseph I will now introduce him. He is the sixth child out of eight. He was born in October 2001 which makes him 8 years old today. He was born 5 weeks early. We had a homebirth planned with a midwife. My monthly visits with her would show that my blood pressure, which was always high during pregnancy, was off the charts. The midwife would make excuses saying that her reading may be off. It was only after Joseph was born and upon questioning that it was revealed by the midwife that her urine test sticks were not good and never showed the protein deposit readings.

The day before Joseph was born I called the midwife feeling that something was very wrong. I was so swollen I could not bend my knees. I had a headache that would not go away and felt that movement was slowing. She came out to the house to check me and my blood pressure was at stroke level. I should have been rushed to the hospital right away but was told to just stay in bed and not get up for anything. I followed orders but when I became too uncomfortable in bed I moved to the couch in our bedroom to sleep. Around 3 a.m. I woke with a headache that can only be described as the worst I've ever had. I thought I had been hit over the head with something. I stumbled to the bathroom feeling drunk and dizzy. I leaned on the wall to keep myself from falling. It seemed like a long time before I made it back to the couch but as soon as I did my water broke. Joseph was on his way.

I did not go to the hospital because I miraculously started feeling better. When the midwife got there my blood pressure was almost back to normal. We decided that after listening to his heart we were safe and would stay home without hospital and medical intervention. Joseph was delivered by his father with the cord around his neck two times. His apgars were low...6 and 7. But still, he was 6 pounds and crying. He was alive and I thought well. He was really red....and tiny. Was he really 6 pounds? He made a funny noise all night long. It was almost like a little puppy dog. Every time he would take a breath he made a funny sound. And he was not nursing. But he was okay.....I kept telling myself that. I prayed all night long as I watched him breathe. We took him to the doctor the next day. He weighed 5 pounds but he was given a clean bill of health. The funny breathing had stopped. Things were good.

Would have going to the hospital changed things?  I will never know.  Getting my blood pressure down early would have but would it have changed who Joseph is?  I don't think so because there are no accidents with God.  Joseph is exactly what God created him to be.  Yes, these questions will drive me crazy if I think about them too much but I have found peace knowing that with just a word God could have changed the outcome for better or worse.

I knew right away something was not right but figured that Joe was just going to be slow.  He was not talking at the age of 3.  He was not even babbling a word.  Not even momma.  I would do little tests on him to see if it was his hearing.  He seemed to hear fine but would often act as though he could not hear.  I would check the symptom lists for autism.  He did not fit any of those.....at least completely.....yet.  I kept thinking that if 90% of the checklist was postive than he must have autism but then he would do something that would suggest otherwise.  He was just slow in his thinking. 

First Birthday 2002

He first fell in June 2004.  He followed the older kids to the top of a set of bleachers at a baseball game.  As soon as he sat down he fell backwards directly onto the top of his head landing on concrete.  It was heard by all that were sitting around the area.  Incredibly,  he showed no signs of concussion or trauma.  He was checked by a paramedic on the scene.  Not until later did I remember the sleepless night of endless crying.  I blamed it on being in a hotel room on a hot southern night....and maybe it was.

3rd Birthday - after the 1st fall

And then came July 9, 2008.