Friday, January 23, 2015

A Boy and His Dog


Joseph,

Do you remember all the times you begged us for a dog?  You were relentless, as you usually are.  You wanted to work at the animal shelter just to work with dogs.  You told me of all the things you would do with your dog if you had one.  You were going to walk your dog, feed your dog, play with your dog, train your dog, sleep with your dog.  Do you remember?

By the grace of God, we got you the best dog in the world.  She is everything you ever wanted.  She is big.  She is smart.  She is loyal.  She is gentle.  She is trained.  She is amazing!  And of all the family members, you are the last to appreciate this. 

So do you remember last night?  Do you remember going to bed without telling us goodnight?  Going to bed early again due to your disrespect?  It has been the same thing for the last two nights.  But what made last night so sad is the way you came home from school.

You were so happy about your day at school.  At wrestling practice you had wrestled Z and won!  You were so proud!  You were full of stories, smiles, laughter.  After dinner, as always, everyone had chores and homework.  It was your easy night of chores.  I told you to make sure your room was clean, pick up trash on the stairs, and take the dog for a walk.

And the sweet, happy, smiling boy went away.  You got angry because you could not watch T.V. until you took the dog outside.  You thought it would be okay to just let her run around without a leash.  You did not care that she could get run over or picked up by the pound.  You just did not feel like finding the leash, putting it on her, and walking her outside for, at the most, 5 minutes.  You let her out anyway.  She ran.  You told someone else to go get her.  We told YOU to go get her.  Then you let your mouth start.  You said this was all stupid.  She was fine.  You said I was getting worked up and over reacting.  You got sent to bed.  And I sat here wondering why.  Why does that happy little boy always have to go away?  Why do our happy evenings always have to end on such an unhappy note?  Was it really that hard to walk the dog?

So today is Friday.  To say I'm dreading the next three days is an understatement.  What you don't know is how sick I've been lately.  How hard I am trying to make you happy.  How very much I love you!  Please try.  Put the effort out.  Love your siblings.  Love the life that God has blessed you with.  And love your dog!

Love,
Mom

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Linscombs
 
Front L to R:  Mary Clare, Jerome, Bernadette, Joseph
Back L to R:  Amy, Mattie, Jeffrey, Justin

Changing Winds

I know it has been forever since I updated the blog.  There are various reasons for this.  I will explain these best I can and then I will tell you why I have decided to write again.  As I have stated before, writing is my therapy.  There are a few other hobbies I have but nothing soothes my soul and battered emotions like writing.

Joseph was attending Villa Maria school for special children the past few years.  He would go on a Sunday evening or Monday morning and stay until Friday evening.  We had to deal with some behavioral issues and frustrations on the weekends but it was not to the point where I had much to write or vent about on the blog.  I also turned to exercise for a long time and would set out every morning to a boot camp or bike ride which I found to be very therapeutic. 

Another reason I let it go was because I had nothing new to say.  It was the same old thing.  I needed to find other ways to deal with the stress then venting them to the world on this little blog.  And then things started to unravel quickly with every thing else in our lives BUT Joseph.

I had three weddings of adult children, two grand babies born, two knees replaced, we lost our home, moved into a rent house and just a month ago into a new home, physical therapy, doctors appointments, numerous health issues,  and problems of various degrees with all the other children.  It was mind numbing.  So mind numbing I didn't even have the strength to write.  So, what has changed?

After suffering a lot of health issues over the past three years, I have come to accept my life as it is.  I temporarily opened an antique shop but after too much success decided to open it from my home to ease the stress and to be here for my family.  Also, Joseph did not return to Villa Maria this year.  He wanted to stay home and go to the public school.  After exploring our options and finding out more about the program we decided it was worth giving it a chance.  This meant he would be home all the time which on one hand is a good thing but on the other leaves us with no respite.  Ever.

The house we bought is ideal for him.  It is 2 blocks down from the rent house so he knows the neighborhood and there was little transition to deal with.  He also has his own room which gives him his own quiet space to retreat when thing begin to overwhelm him.  I gave him the smallest room so he feels snug and safe.  He loves it!

And so...why now?  Why even start writing again?  Things are better with Joseph.  At least I know what to expect every day.  I know things will always be crazy, hectic and stressful.  What changed was that Joseph discovered this blog.  He was issued an ipad at school to better do his work.  I am still not sure how he came to discover the blog but he did.  And he read it.  And he thought it was AWESOME!  He asked me when I picked him up at school if he was famous.  He said he was on the Internet and so were pictures of him.  He was THE camouflage angel!  I told him that a lot of people around the world love him and pray for him so yeah...he is famous.  He came home with a different disposition.  He was moved by our love.  Understood our struggle.  Appreciated us! 

My idea is to change my forum.  I have decided to talk to Joseph through this blog.  It will get personal.  I will be harsh at times but always loving.  Why didn't I think of this before?  He reads better than he listens.  I thought that through this type of forum it would keep my family and friends updated while at the same time talking to the famous angel himself. 

So here goes.  I will start tonight and we will just take a day at a time.  And by the way, I hope everyone is having a very blessed New Year!  I've missed you all and hope that you continue to offer us up in prayer.