"Autism is anxiety looking for a target"

The quote is by the renowned autism expert Tony Atwood.  I ran across it on website after website after doing a search on Joseph's anxiety issues that appear to get worse with time.  We are going through night problems again.  If there is thunder or lightening he is terrified of tornadoes.  If he has a dream about anything at all that could cause worry he is waking me asking questions to ease his worried mind.  He had a dream about a tiger and was full of questions about mountain lions in Nebraska.  Could one get in the house?  But what if it did?  Do they kill you?  Do they eat you?  What if it was in the yard hiding and waiting?  (yes, he stayed inside that day)  And so this is how my nights go.

But for the past couple of months we have moved into what I call "confessing anxiety".  He tells me everything that he does that may be wrong or that I may get upset about.  He will tell me that he spilled some water but he cleaned it up.  Or that he got a "cracker without asking....is that okay?".  Or "I went in the front yard but then remembered I wasn't suppose to be and went back to the backyard."  Or "I got mad and pushed Jerome.  I'm sorry.  Are you mad?".  Or my favorite, "Mom, you know how you get mad at me when I stick my feet under the rug in the living room?  Well, I did that the other day when you weren't looking."  This goes on all day.  So I asked him one day why he feels he has to tell me all these things. 

He told me that if he didn't tell me then it would be lying.  I tried to explain that it would not be but to him it is and that is the end of it.  He feels if he does something wrong and hides it by not telling me then he is lying and that is more wrong than breaking the rule.  I don't know if it will just disappear as so many strange behaviors have in the past or if we need to address it in his therapy sessions.  He told his med doctor that the reason he doesn't sleep well at night is because he is scared of death.  He said he is scared he will die in the night or that I will die.  So he wakes up all night and checks to make sure everything is okay.  He wants me sleeping in the living room right outside his bedroom so that when he goes to the bathroom or gets up to get water he knows I am right there.  I tried sleeping in my room last night and on the fourth time he woke me I decided to move back to the couch.  "Mom, is it almost morning?  Will it be in an hour?  I spilled some water but I cleaned it up.  Mom?  Mom!  I hear thunder!"

Anxiety.  The child.  The parents.  The siblings.  The teachers.  "Autism is anxiety looking for a target."  This is our life with Joseph.